How We Deal with Hate

Fifty people were killed by an attacker and over dozens wounded. Reason. He hated the community. So wanted to kill anyone belonged to it.

Its been a week for the attack on Christchurch and Al-Noor mosque on March 15, 2019 in New Zealand...and there’s no end to the tributaries, stories of bravery, love, compassion, solidarity, support, and inclusion.

During the times, when the world is dealing with terrorism, refugees killings, racism, anti-immigrant populism, Islamophobia, white supremacism, bigotry, and hatred in all forms possible, the reactions are really breather.

Social media is flooded with videos, pictures and news with how New Zealand stands together with the victims, immigrants, and Moslems.

Here what is especially noteworthy, is the leadership of the country - Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern who has taken those steps, which her counterparts in other countries where such terror attacks have had happened never took. She has not shed the rhetoric saga of slogans or shouts to populism but a show of empathy, sympathy and careful action in the time of grief – a more humane way of the leadership and handling hate and terror.

The attacker is an Australian, but no hate for Australia. He had a religion but no hate for the religion. He is ‘White’ but no hate for ‘White’. He has a lineage but no hate for his lineage.

Its only the hate for what he did and why he did.

Here’s a lesson to be learnt by all. How we deal with hate.

Hate will only return hate. Give more hate, in return you receive more hate!

The words by the victim of Christchurch ‘...I lost my wife, but I don’t hate the killer. But I’m sorry I cannot support what he did, but I think somewhere along in his life maybe he was hurt but he could not translate that hurt in a positive manner.’...has just too much to think about and to find out...

He refused to harbour hatred…Punish for the crime but don’t make it another reason for the next terror act.

Finally, for you and me sitting in some distant country witnessing terror attacks, lynching, riots, killings and hate,  … rethink how we react, what we speak…guide yourself, the rest will follow automatically and its surely not going to be 'hate'.

Nishat Paiker, 22 March, 2019

Surrogate mother – ‘willingly’ or ‘forced willingness’ – questions untouched

Nishat Paiker, Nov 4, 2015 

So much of buzz is around surrogacy where different groups raising their voice for and against the commercialization of the technique which gave hope to many childIess couples around the world becoming a whopping over Rs. 2,500 crore market in India. It forces me to think about the most important part of this whole procedure - the surrogate mothers for whom the social groups, human rights bodies and our leaders etc., ‘seem’ to be so concerned about.

Surrogate mothers are ones who rent their womb under pressure of economical backlash they are facing. Many argue what is the harm if they do it willingly and make some (a good amount of 1-3 lakh) money for the economic class she comes from. The ‘amount’ which they cannot earn even in their lifetime!

But I was compelled to think why at all a woman is forced, although it is said she ‘willingly’ forces herself to the process of undergoing pain, labor, and emotional trauma to an extent of sometime endangering her life. All this is for what? To uplift her family, to pay her children’s school fees, help her husband a build a pucca house or a toilet and bathroom for her and family.

We talk about protection, safety and rights of women. But is this also not the duty of the state subjects (government) to ensure a right to decent life where she is not forced to put her body at stake for survival. Does surrogate mothers tales not sound like stories of thousands of women forced to prostitution? It is found even they (prostitutes) do not want to come out of it, as they need to make a living.

Surrogacy in India and the world has become a one big debate today. The law will be out as always. The question still remains, why women in our country are forced to lend their bodies, bear pain, face risk or torture themselves to survive and make a living. Respect, safety and right to life are our basic rights.

When the government plans to ban something exploiting women using their bodies, it should also give the alternative source to survive because the practice is not done out of choice but out of destitute. Here no need to mention the number of policies made for women upliftment but talk about the actual change brought at ground level including the change in the mindset of our society.

Ban commercial surrogacy but are you ready to uplift this vulnerable large section of our society living in slums behind the glittering high rises or in villages where their husbands are unable to earn enough to meet two meals a day and provide good education to their children.

Hospitals exploit, women ready to be exploited for money which they cannot earn in their lifetime will be given to them for just those ‘nine’ months. A win-win deal for many to argue! But at what cost?! Is this ‘willingness to be a surrogate mother’ not ‘forced’ on them –directly and indirectly? We need to think on that.

All women out there...check this out!

With the rising crimes against women, safety for them has become a prime concern in the society. Women today are insecure, face violence, and sexual assault etc., at public places, work places, hotels or even home. It is time for all women out there to take charge of your security and be prepared to confront the attacker.

Though self-defense trainings are always advisable, but let’s check out some personal safety aids and gadgets that you must carry and be trained to use when attacked or in case of emergency.

Mobile applications: Many mobile application development companies have come up with safety app solutions across various operating systems, especially for women. Some of these can be even downloaded for free. Some safety apps, such as OnWatch, Scream Alarm, Fightback, Circle of 6, Eyewatch, S&S Rescue Pack, YWCA Safety Alert, and One Touch SOS can turn mobile phones into safety alert devices that provide information on your current location and alert family and friends that you need help.

Stun Gun and Taser Gun: Also known as Electro-magnetic Device (EDM), stun and taser guns can be used to injure an attacker with an electric shock. This weakens him and the victim gets enough time to escape and raise alarm. These devices are small and easy to carry in purse, wallets or even belts. They are also available as keychains or cellphones.

Stun baton: Though has the shape of a baton, stun baton is available in loops or folded forms, so that can be easily kept in purse or wallets. It temporarily disables the attacker through a high-voltage electric shock. Many stun batons have high decibel alarm too that combined with electric shock result in loss of muscle control and makes the attacker weak. It takes about 10 minutes for the attacker to recover.

Pepper spray: Pepper spray is a popular self defense aid for women. Its main ingredient, oleoresin capsicum (OC) or chili pepper, is an inflammatory agent. The spray causes tearing and burning sensation in the eyes along with breathing problem for some time. They are available in lipstick, keychain and small bottles forms that are easy to carry.

Mace spray: Like pepper spray they also cause excessive flow of tears, burning sensation and coughing and sneezing.

Stun rings: This nice looking ring contains strong pepper spray that can be used by women when attacked. Since it looks like a jewellery piece, the attacker is ignorant about it and the sudden shot makes him lose control.

Whistle/ personal alarm: Even a small whistle attached to a purse handle or keychain attachment can prove to be very helpful in case of emergency or an attack. There are many handy alarm devices available in the market, which can raise loud sound to attract attention. But do not forget to keep such devices at easily accessible places such as keychains, neck chains, waist belts or wrist bands, so that you can use them as quickly as possible.

Pen and comb knife: These gadgets look like a normal pen or comb. Just pull them out and they become a knife. You can carry them without grabbing attention. But it is suggested to use them carefully in self defense.

Pencil: A simple pencil can prove to be a very effective self defense weapon in hand. A sharp pencil can injure the eyes or face of the attacker.

So ladies, be safe, secure and brave!

Though not in hibernation from writing, but just been lazy for blogging...but now to all my friends (those too within the family) who love me as i am and do not wish me to change and to those many many new friends whom i hope to make in the rest of my journey of life...this new year i have decided to be active and vibrant in blogging throughout  2014...lets see ..how it turns up!
I begin with this short story that i wrote few months back :)

Aruna, the writer!

By: Nishat Paiker

What could be more pathetic for a writer or learner than when he has nothing to write or very often no suitable words to jot down his ideas or expressions?

A learner in the field is most infected by this deficiency of either words or perfect ideas. His or her mind becomes like a tee of golf.

Well, there is no compulsion to write but thanks to the tag of writer who should write whatsoever it may be, that was what Aruna, a nascent writer believed.

During the library sessions at school she was always in the awe of books and their composers. How can a single person write such big and fat novels? Fat like an elephant and not ending easily like a princess plait in fairy tales.

One of her friend was very keen on reading, with thick glasses on his face and fattest book in hand, was always acknowledged by the teachers. Aruna was taken away by this and the next best thing she could think was, “he just reads to impress but one day I will write to make him read my work.”

The thought was literally taken as a challenge and search began on what to write. But this search continued too long or better to say till date with a dilemma around.

Even a modest subject to write would leave her in bewilderment for few hours. Nights were often spent in dreaming of Man Booker or Pulitzer awards in her hands and days in applauding Naipaul, Dickens, Chetan Bhagat, Brookner and many more!

She was impressed with their clarity in perception, endless inventiveness, word intelligence, minor complexities, emotional depths, and well-mended plots and would think how and when would she become such a strong-headed writer and gain a truest mark of distinction like them.

Somebody advised, keep a diary and it helped. Now, Aruna had a friend that became the quintessence of her writing attempts and her thought imbalances over her ever-growing dilemmas.

Horrible dreams, the first “challenge”, and helplessness felt while writing, which she compared with her bicycle learning sessions! All she confided with this new found friend.

Seeing her obsession and obscurity too, well-wishers started suggesting all sorts of subjects to write ranging from women empowerment, corruption, politics, infamous politicians to never-ageing Bachchan and some even had the uncanny ideas like ‘my neighbours pet dog’, ‘Mrs Dhingra’s secret of heavy weight loss!’, ‘a new love affair in society’ and even to personal grievances of “katiya” power supply in the neighbourhood!

Her ten year old sister was all up to support her, suggesting Arabians wrote ‘Arabian Nights’, why can’t you write on ‘Indian Nights’. On Aruna’s grin, she came up with the next one, Arundhati Roy wrote on ‘God of small things’, you write on ‘God of big things’, and we have so many Gods in India to refer to! Aruna was convinced, could be a good subject but now “which God…?” A mammoth’s task indeed!

I came across this while surfing for something on net..and found this worth sharing....

"We,in our day, have become accustomed to thinking that things have always been the same, and have forgotten that things have always been changing, and we have had to adapt, and changing very often because we were not living in synch with our surroundings, so it was that we chopped down trees as if they would last forever till no trees were left in whole forests, mined so hard and thoughtless for the environment that we silted up the rivers the trade depended upon, and then had to invent new technologies each time on which to depend on for the lifestyle we’d become accustomed to, and each time created devices that were more and more damaging to the environment, and all the while imagining that life was becoming more and more civilised... sound familiar? Next time someone talks to you about techno fix solutions, remember to ask them about the resources needed and if they think they will last for ever..."

Just loving 'it'!

During the time when being single is deemed as the best way to be happy in life...with no responsibilities, no burdens, no liabilities and no ifs and buts.....a complete freedom....!!!

‘Living in’ if felt love and living out when did not click!..Wow... a pleasure of choosing and free from taking much mammoth decisions in life.

Some of my friends who chose to be single always wanted to know how do long married couples make their relationship work...How difficult or easy task is this... How am I managing with one man for this long??!!!.Though myself just few years married and committed, I wanted to pause and think over, what is known as old school of thought was actually worth all adjustments, settlements & pain by any of the partner...Is it getting married and spending rest of the life with one person only out of love or just living for the heck of it!!.

But recently I came across a letter...or say a love letter by a wife to her husband...I think here is a reply of their and many others question to some extent....and the reply of the husband which was received after 5 months!!!!.......

Hi H
I just wanted to write this to u. I don’t know why but yes I felt a kind of aloofness from your side since past few days. As if you are deliberately trying to get away things from your mind. As if you are disturbed or angry because of something. I don’t know the reason. Though it happened earlier too. There was silence, then long discussions, silence again and finally the happy ending we try and do forgive and forget past thing for each other. We respect each others feelings but sometimes unknowingly may hurt too each other again, afterall we all r humans on earth. or you may not like me for certain things or vice versa.
But the most important part being, we want to finally end the matter and live again happily. Is this the beauty of our marital relationship or just love? I don’t know but the day we settle down happily after a fight is the happiest day of my life.

I agree that priorities change - jobs, kids, responsibilities ...!! Etc etc. May be initially it was very easier to show each other how much we loved each other. Now it's the smaller day-to-day things that do it for us. The smiles, jokes, a touch, a gesture, sharing problems, pains or even a comment…positive or negative but openly discussed with each other….
Earlier it was just love, now with maturity and few years together, it's a combination of love and companionship. There is certain kind of trust that builds over the years, a deep rooted understanding of even so much as a change in facial expression. May be more years to make it perfect. Whatever the words I express, but H. I love you very much same as on the day we first met, first looked into each others eyes… nothing seems good in life if you are not happy. All sharing, caring after disagreements is worth because it makes us feel our presence is necessary in each others lives.
You may find odd reading this mail and I found it hard to write it but somehow I had to tell you how much you mean to me.
LU
urs
W.

-------------After 5 months...

Hi W.,

(Copy paste of the old letter) Taking you through memory lane...Itna mat socha karo

hahahaha...I will always b urs no matter how much we fight!!:)

ILU

Only
Urs
H.